Specially to her, to that friend and to all of them

By Lorenço Menezes Vieira

One day somebody told me: “You know what?! Give me a break...I know you better than yourself!”. Who has never said something like this to a friend, to a relative, to a wife or to a husband? But, who in this situation asked: “Yes, you know me better than I, so please, describe me!”.

Why do we only think that we should ask this question after the person leaves? If somebody asks you to describe a person that you think you know better than him/herself, how would you describe him/her?

Probably you would say that he or she is good or bad son/daughter, wife/husband, professional, friend, depending on the intimacy, you can even tell that he or she is a good lover. After that, you`d use some adjectives like: honest, unfaithful, kind, stupid, smart, idiotic, outgoing, short temped, book smart, street smart, popular, nerdy... Wherever!

Tell me, can somebody really describe you with only these words above?

Also, some of us, we don`t ask because we are afraid of the answer. Deep down, we think: “Maybe, that person really knows me better than I, doesn’t he/she?”

Instead of trying to figure out how a person would describe you, try to know what you would answer if somebody asks you: “Who are you? But, please, I don`t want to know if you good or bad son/daughter, boyfriend/girlfriend, professional, friend. Who are you?”.

Answering this question is more difficult than we think, isn’t it? Why?

Because with time, we are acquiring roles in society; sometimes, we want these roles... I accept you as my wife. But, there are some roles that we don`t choose... Everybody is a son or daughter of somebody. And others, we accept as if we didn`t have a choice... I am a good friend, I am always helping them and they are always helping me, we have known each other since we were kids. We are best friends!

And what about when the roles are bigger than us? Or when some roles don`t portray us anymore? Or when everything is perfect, we have a wonderful family, a good job, a car, a very nice boyfriend/girlfriend and we don`t feel happy? What we can do?

We can create a new role for ourselves by dressing in different clothes, taking and posting pictures, making movies, saying what we like and dislike, commenting on everything that is happening around us... We create a character, not only on Facebook and other social networks, but also in our lives.

But, others, instead of creating a new role, they prefer to know themselves... They prefer to go on a trip, the destination is not so important, relevant, they can go to “The Camino de Compostela”, to an NGO (non-governmental organization) or to “Las Vegas”. On a trip like this, what really matter is yourself.

In Europe or Korea, the people that you are going to meet, they don`t really care about your job, your major, your family, your money, they only care about the person that is in front of them, his/her personal values. We put ourselves in situations like these because they force us to know ourselves and we have the opportunity to know our own role, to know who we are and who we want to be.

However, it doesn`t mean that we have to put behind our background, our history... Otherwise, if we are who we are now, it is because we have a past, and when we try to forget where we come from, we get lost... We lose the lessons that we learned, we don’t have anything to teach and we don’t have anybody to miss. So, if you don’t have a past, what are you going to offer to the people that you are going to meet in the present? What you are going to dream about?

To know ourselves, we have to be proud of our history, because of this we are here or there, we are in Germany, Mexico, France, Brazil, Salvador, São Paulo... We are in place and, more important than this, we are in somebody`s life.

When we become part of somebody`s life, even if in only one chapter of his/her life, we will never be alone again, because, as our grandmother (do you remember?) used to say: “Tell me who your friends are, the people that you like, the people that you love, and I will tell you who you are!”.

So, to know our own role, to know our personal values, to know ourselves, we just have to remember the people that we like and that we had the pleasure to share moments of our lives with, moments in which we exchange ideas, opinions, thoughts, lessons, loves, challenges, laughs, tears, different ways of seeing things, to interpret and to live the life. If you don’t remember, maybe, it’s time to search, not only abroad, but specially, inside yourself.

For those that have already found it, don’t forget... Keep going, move on!